JoeGoldfarb.com

Cosmo, our white Turkish Angora male cat got sick two days ago. We found out afterwards that he apparently ate moldy wet food and experienced feline food poisoning as a result of that action. There was a little bit of salmon and chicken left in a can that I had left out on the food tray for a few days. The dry climate here prevents mold and fungus from growing on anything unless it is wrapped in plastic. How mold grew on this wet cat food I have no idea. Normally, the wet food dries up and turns into a kitty version of meat jerky - dried up, hard and crunchy. This leftover food in the can did not. A little mold grew on it instead. Tell me, what cat eats bad, rotten food? I have never heard or experienced a cat who ate old food. Cat’s are here because they are extremely picky eaters, eating nothing but food that is fresh. If anything is slightly off with the food a cat will regurgitate it to avoid poisoning itself. Not Comso. He’s special.

This incident of food poisoning began around 1am. I noticed Cosmo breathing shallow and fast with his mouth open. Otherwise he seemed fine. I noted his behavior and carried on with my life.

A few hours later when it came time to brush his teeth he arrived and waited for the toothpaste but clearly was in a little discomfort. The source of the pain and/or discomfort was unknown. He just had a look on his face.

Come eight or ten hours later when I woke Comso was socially slow. Normally he is the first to greet me, however, this time he was third or fourth. I gave everyone some wet food and he barely ate. He just licked the wet cat food juice a little.

A few hours later he experience the first of several vomiting fits. The first time he vomited up his food. The subsequent times he vomited up bile and other stomach fluids.

Later on that night began shallow fast and shallow breathing again. At 1am that night I counted 94 breaths per minute. In contrast, another cat, Boo who was just laying about counted 20 deep breaths per minute. Fast respiratory breathing is an obvious sign of physical distress. Many other signs point to Cosmo being in extreme and obvious pain. He sat in the bread loaf position, which is almost sphinx style except the front legs and tucked in under the body. Cats choose that position to help themselves breath easier. He would recoil away from any touch or pressure to his chest area. He breathed with his mouth open. His pupils were fully dilated which is another bad sign that reveals pain and distress. Also, his eyes were glazed over and blank.

We were extremely concerned over this health. We feared that his ribs rebroke (from this incident) and caused internal damage. But, his illness was gradual over 24 hours. A broken rib would cause immediate pain. I had no idea what his problem was. I listened to his chest and noticed nothing out of the ordinary.

Since he was barely moving, making no noise, his ears became cool and gums turned from pink to white (all very bad signs, btw) we decided to take him to the emergency vet. I talked to a veterinary technician on the phone and she advised, naturally, for us to bring him in for a paid visit. Alright, so Tara and I stuck him in the cat carrier and we all entered my truck.

Immediately inside the truck Comso began breathing normally, his became alert, and his gums went back to a pink color. He started to talk. He was acting normal and healthy. This really confused me. We drove to the vet’s anyway. Once in the parking lot of the veterinarian clinic, we let the alert and energetic Cosmo out to walk around. Again, he acted totally normal. He was walking around, jumping in and out of the truck repeatably, and singing. His tail was up, he let us handle him, probe his gut and stomach (where I noticed that is bladder was full), squeeze his chest and general move him around. Again, he acted completely and totally fine and healthy.

The vet tech whom I spoke with on the phone came out to see what we were up to in the parking lot. Her and I spoke about the cat. she listened to his breathing on both sides of Cosmos chest for abnormalities but found none. She concurred with us that he appears healthy. Comso made us look like we were dreaming up an illness! She suggested that he was poisoned. Alright then, sounds like a nice idea, but at the time I new of nothing in the house which could have poisoned him. There was no charge since this generally casual conversation took place outside the vet clinic building in the parking lot.

Once we arrived home Comso urinated and experienced a bout of diarrhea. Right afterwards I checked the food dish and found the mold on the wet cat food in a tin container. Later that night Comso ate some food and drank a lot of water. He was mobile.

Today, Comso is acting normal once again! Yay!

(note: no other cat’s ate the bad, spoiled food.)

We are not our thoughts. Discipline of the mind such as meditation controls and removes our noisy thoughts and fluid emotions so they happen abstractly, separately from the rest of our mind. When anger arises, let it pass. Though the storm blows leaves and whips rain hard against our flesh, we can lie safely instead in our home watching the storm as a separate event from our existence. Like all things made by man, this storm too shall pass. The anger or other emotions will dissolve into nothingness, the sky will clear and we will be left standing with resolve, unaffected.

Control the mind. Be not like a leaf carried haplessly with the wind. Be strong like a mountain whom the wind passes over. Learn from the wind. It is always speaking.

Perhaps the worst action I have taken in at least five, even ten years occurred recently. This event marks perhaps the lowest point I have reached in my life in memory. Actions we take can either be positive or negative. This negative action was certainly the ugliest I have ever done with these human hands. Even though the action I took occurs daily all around us and may even be considered to be nothing special by others, that does not justify or make acceptable my ugly behavior.

We got back from a three day California desert and mountain driving trip. After arrived home, I was overtired from hours upon hours of driving coupled with poor sleep during our hotel nights. I was increasingly acting impulsive as the vacation days elapsed.

I went into the backyard to eat sushi. Boo, our siamese cat tried to sneak out - not run out, but sneak out. “Sneaking” I consider a disrespectful act opposed to impulsively running out to chase a bug. “Sneaking” shows admission of guilt. I warned him by stomping on the ground. He ran back inside the house. Being tired, I totally forgot to close the sliding glass door. Instead, I left it open, continued to eat sushi and that cat repeated his attempt to sneak out of the yard - this time succeeding. I spotted him out in the common ground area. Since the gate is locked, I left the yard by jumping over the fence and ran up to him heavily. He laid in a submissive posture as expected. But as I staired at him I grew increasingly angry. Feelings of aggression began to course through my blood. I grab him by his neck and brought him back toward the yard. I uttered “you jerk” and threw him over the five foot fence into the backyard with considerable force. The backyard is laid with stone - of which I momentarily forgot. I was thinking there was sand back there, as there was last year. Being angry when I threw him, I projected him incorrectly. The correct way would have been head first, right side up and straight, as I have tossed cats over the fence before, casually to get them back inside our property. This time being angry and clouded, I accidentally spun him instead and used more force then necessary. He covered ten feet. Due to the spin, he was unable to orient himself for a safe landing. Instead, he landed head first into the stone smashing his face. His upper, long canine broke off near the gum line as a result. There were other, trivial abrasions on his face as well.

Now this cat means the world to me. I sleep with him in my arms every night. Buy essentially, I spat on him in disrespect. Now will have a permanent reminder of my anger, loss of emotional control and my glarring disrespect towards such a good and noble creature.

There are several things wrong with what I did on psychological and spiritual levels.

I choose to not be around people who get angry with animals and abuse animals. Now, I have become one of those people I abhor.

This is a low point in my life and I am deeply ashamed of what I let myself do.
I never want anything like this to ever happen again. What do I need to do to reprogram my brain so I think of love instead of anger? What do I need to do to have a heart that always loving, not matter what happens?

I am deeply sadden by this event. This makes me question my ability to be a parent. This even has thrown me into a massive reflection into the status of my maturity. It seems I need to do a lot more growing.
What I did wrong:

• I became angry instead of being understanding.
• I treated the cat as if it were a human.
• Equally, I dropped my mentality to the level of a cat.
• I let the cat’s behavior affect me personally
• I did not control my emotions.
• I was irrational.

Yet i turn lemons into lemonade.

I took Boo to the Las Vegas dental expert who pointed out other, preexistent pathologies the cats mouth. He had two death teeth and reaborbtion lesions on two others. Those were taken care of. His mouth has been cleaned out, so to speak, and will end up having greater oral health than before this horrible incident.

After three weeks his breath smells a little better after some rotten teeth were removed. He still sleeps with me every night in my arms. He still loves me despite my fall.